THE SAGA CONTINUES!!!!!!!!!!!! PART II

I was gonna give my thoughts on everyone at the end of the article but I like to give the readers an overview of who they are readin about. And to all of you in the list, even allthough Rothy has given a fine, upstanding account of each and everyone of you, even although he thinks the world of ya's all, even although he'd take an online bullet for ya in battle, you are all still TopDrawerFullyFledged Strokepieces and dont you forget it.

MM, where were we? Ahh yes the drinkin binge had begun. I managed to salvage the sounds for the evening by throwing on a wicked compilation of toonz consisting of the likes of The Killers, The Strokes, Etc. Moore did try to slam on his Industrial Techno Instant Headache CD but I countered immeadiately and the fine beats played on. The Vibe was growing and growing and the kitchen and gamesroom were taking the brunt of it. We were existing on a diet of Fun, Goodchat, Goodtunes, Tablefootball and everyone had an intrevenous drip of alcohol plugged straight into their brains. Buck was doin what he always does and knocking back Buckfast wine like his life depended on it, I was at the breakfast bar with Squads, Rang n Roso, Foxy, Pit and Jap discussing plans for the holiday and VC preferences (nope we couldnt resist it). Slatz was being highly entertained by Buckie's antics whilst finding out new things about the house he had discovered for us and knockin back the beer. Maddie joined us at the table and appeared to be sipping her wine quite calmly, when I asked her "Is that your first bottle dear?", "No" she replied "This is my 3rd", the girl was drinkin us all under the table. Speedshank and Moore were honing their table football skills inpreperation to take on all challengers. The machine was gathering pace! We all moved into the games room and the Table Football addiction really took over, I did notice everyone starting to get the Alcohol Glow, however Godspeed was drinking cola. This is an ordering off offence at any (BRBR) get together, even if he is in TU now, it was a (BRBR)Party with (BRBR) rules. I highlighted this to the others and did feel a little sorry for Speedo as he was surrounded by a LynchMob of PimPs forcefeedin him booze n blow untill his eyes rolled back into his head. Within the hour he was lying in the kitchen, half on, half off a long bench. I also noticed Pitbazz becoming slightly worse for wear after the herbal remedy that Jap had just constructed, "A taste of Holland" Jap said as he looked on in amusement. It wasn't long before the late night alcohol demons took hold and it was "What can we do with Godspeed" time. Initially Rosey and Rangi went upstairs and brought out their finest toys, whilst Slater was forcefeeding Speedo a slice of bread saying "C'mon man, eat! you'll feel better". He was drifting in and out of deeep coma when the prop artists appeared. Rangi n Rose had a Pulp Fiction circa Gag (you know the one with the red ball) and strapped it straight onto Godspeed's face. the laughs got louder and louder when I suggested "Put him out in the garden, We can film him when he wakes up in the morning". No sooner had I said this when the bench was surrounded by a group of happy laughing pranksters, It suprised me how quickly Foxman was in on the action directing the mob to take Speedo to his new home. Pictures were being taken of our new garden gnome when Rosey grabbed a pack of catering size clingfilm and hollered "It's time toi wrap the present". Hurriedly the garden feature was brought back in and wrapped head to toe in cling film ready for the oven. I actually thought Squadie was gonna shit himslef he was laughin so hard, camera flashes were goin off everywhere, Maddie was being compassionate to Godspeed's worsening situation sayin "I think thats enough" but the devilish crew would not be pretered. Eventually the laughs subsided and we cut Speedo a little breathing hole in his wrap so we wouldnt be dealing with a homicide in the morning. It was then our attentions turned to Pit, I heard Buck sayin "where the hell's Pitboss?" we all began to look but Jap n Slatz were lightyears ahead of the game and shouted in mid laugh "Here he is". I had missed out on the last half hour of events laughing at Speedo, I had seen Pit slowly falling off the universe but didnt realise the prediciment he was in. Slater had Speedos camera and was filming over the toilet door, Jap ran over and said "Roth man, listen! you need to see this shit". I went in the direction of the toilet and could hear the all to familiar sound of the Death Snore when I pushed at the door and shouted "Pit! Pit! U ok dudey?". I couldnt open the door and Slatz said "Its him man, he's in there, he's fallen off the toilet and half naked knocked out on the floor". With another big push the door opened just enough for me to peer in. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, there it was Captain Cockboss in a shitstorm whiteout from the herb and the beer lying arse over tit on the toilet floor. I had laughed at Godspeed but this just finished me, everyone piled towards the toilet paperazzi style cameras in hand, Buckie leading the charge with that "LoL my boss is in a bad way" look on his face. Once the filming and photo shoot was over we propped the poor man back onto the throne. I grabbed my camera and put it up over the toilet door for some snaps (Pit had slightly realised his situation ad had put his foot against the door). We continued with the Table Footie fun, Foxo was lookin a bit done in and hit the hay as did Moore. My night ended listening to the increadible Jimmy Eat World with Buck, Rangi and Squadie (I think Rosey was making toasties for everyone, Good Old Chef). Soon after it was time to crash, on my way up to bed I noticed Jap n Slatz still tormenting Godspeed, damn these guys know how to have a laugh. They had taken all the empty beer cans that were lying around and turned Godspeed into a Temple of cans and bottles, like some (BRBR) Shrine in memory of the 1st night,( I missed this bit but seemingly the funniest moment was when Speedo woke up several hours later with the brothers SlatJap still watching him and spent the next half hour just looking at the cans thinking "WTF has happened here?" Aparently it took him all that time to realise that there were others in the room watching the results of their fine work). I gave them both a high 5 and fell straight into my bed. JEZUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

I awoke on Thursday morning to the smell of finely cooked swine, yes folks Chef Rose was on the case again feeding the army keeping them primed for battle. Fox and Rangi were assisting. I passed Squaddie (aka Edward Norton) who you could have blinded with dental floss he looked so tired. Turns out his infamous insominia was still goin strong and he hadnt slept a wink. The weahter was beautiful and I anounced that we would be going to the mountains today, suprisingly people were up for it. And who was the last to surface? Not Pit or any of the rest of us who had comsumed enough alcohol to kill a decent sized elephant. Yep, you guessed it... Godspeed, he was till givin it silent night amoungst his makeshift palace of beer cans. Following a hearty breakfast courtesy of Major Rose everybody piled into the cars heading for the mountains. I still marvell at the scenery in my home country and today it didnt dissapoint. We were on the road about 1000ft up when I pulled the PimP convoy over to soak in the view, it was stunning and really soothed the hangovers all round. We were all lookin on hypnotised by the splendour of the Highland vistas when I saw Rangi run straight up the Hill behind to a large area of snow, dive head first into it and then turn around waving his arms and legs outstretched into the snow and shoutin "ICE ANGELS!" (or something along those lines) Our loveable Kiwi just keeps on amusing and was given a round of applause by all of us. The Cairngorm Mountain Railway, or "MONORAIL, MONORAIL" as Mr Slater liked to call it looked a little scary, it's pretty much 1500ft striaght up. We all jumped into the train ready for the ascent. The train even had a guide (who looked older then the mountain itself) to give you a running commentry all the way up. It was very worrying though because this guy sounded like he was talking from the crypt himself. Seriously, everytime he spoke it was along the lines of "The End Of The World Is Upon Us!", "Kill Yourselves Now!", "You'll Never Make It Off This Mountain" type shit. So after about a 15 minute ride we were glad to get out. The Mountain Cafe was a surreal place, cloud rolling in from the north, climbers and skiers our only companions. We ventured out onto the mountain when Rosey said "Lets go to the top", I asked him "Are you sure m8" knowing the summit was along way off and not the short skip and jump that it looked. Roso put his arm around me and said "We've got to put this in its proper place my friend", he was holding a Scottish flag with (BRBR) written in black marker across it. I replied "You had me at Let's Go To The Top Rosey!" And off we went leaving the only sensible member of our party Maddie to enjoy the warnth of the cafe. I led the summit expedition and felt quite fortunate to have my Goretex jacket on top, Roso and Rango were also dressed for the elements (Outdoor peeps are always prepared). The rest of the squad though looked dressed for a night on the town, poor guys! The going was heavy underfoot, Godspeed was walking next to me and shreeked as he fell neckdeep into the snow, he decided to walk with the others when he was hauled out. I was beginging to breathe very heavily and thought "This is a bit hefty" sparing a thought for the band of intrepid explorers behind me most of whom's only regular exercise is moving a mouse around in their palm several thousand times a night. This mountain wasnt getting any smaller as we climbed, Moore passed me on a full on summit bid but stopped and waited to recover. Seriously folks, in mid breathing fit, spittin like a cobra, I couldn't help but having a little chuckle to myself at the rear of the summit team. Pit,Buck,Slatz,Foxy,Speedo and Jap were screamin like banshees "ROTHHHHHHHHHH" "F*CK YOUUUUUUU ROTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" "ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH". Yes they were hurting but we were'nt turning back until the flag had been put on the top. The suprise package was Squadie, who was not far behind Rose, Rangi and Moore. Still half asleep fighting his way through the drifting snow on his way to salvation. Finally I saw the nearest summit off to the left surrounded in cloud. The wind was howling and I thanked the lord I had a jacket designed for such occasions, I dug in and pushed for the top climbing up the last bunch of rock on my way there. I stood against the wind on the summit which was trying to blow me straight off the mountain and looked back and almost fell over laughing. Yep, I was knacked but felt immensly better when I caught a view of the PimP crew fighting their way through driving snow and wind towards me.

The summit fun began with Roso n Rango placing our flag in it's rightfull place. Soon after we were all there, The Brothers Swede, Fox, Slatz n Jap loooking at me in dissbelief at what they had accomplished. Buckie belted out "MY EARS ARE FROZEN ROTHY, YOU PIECE OF BASTARD!". A stunning experience all round! We haeded back down surrouned in cloud. I must confess I was a little worried here as many people perish this way in the mountains when they cant see the way off, the guys were askin me "Do you know the way Roth?", I reassured them with a "Yes, absolutely", but to be honest I was just wingin it, heehee. Soon after the cloud lifted and we could see the cafe, jubilation took over and Rang n Rose began throwing themselves straight down the ski slopes on their bellies for a fast track back to The train.

We made it back and met up with Tha Queen, most of the guys were taking off their trainers and emptying out vast quantities of melted snow onto the concrete, looking tired and weary but refreshed and ready for another day of frolicks. We got back to Aviemore house and cleaned up, Chef Rosey had suggested a barbecue for the nights feast and everybody agreed so we all went into Aviemore for supplies. The supermarket was the first port of call, with Rosey runnin around filling the trolley up with all kinds of specialties. Rangi came up to me with several vegegtables that looked like jumbo titties and said "Tomorrow Rangi cook the family some of his special Kiwi butternut soup", "Go on Rango, Rango, Rango" I replied, this trip just kept getting better and better. Moore had promised us chilli for the Saturday and approached me with 2 packs of mince asking "What esle will I need Roth?", "More mince for starters dude". Where was everyone else, yeps in the alcohol section, lol. We decided to go to the local butchers across the road for the barbecue meat, this turned out to be a wise choice. This butchers reminded me of what we are losing in life with our supermarket, hypermarket culture, in a word Service. These guys were great, laughing and joking with us as we selected chicken, steaks, sausages, kebabs and haggis for the feast. Rosey enquired if they had any hot sauces for the meat and was pointed in the direction of the sauce fest in the corner. Pit asked them for the hottest sauce they had, the big butcher chuckled as he handed him a bottle of "WHO DARES BURNS" and said "You'll be shootin fire outta yer ass for weeks if you use this badboy". We all let out a nervous laugh and headed for the door with more meat than you could shake a stick at. On the way out the door the big butcher tapped me on the shoulder and said "there ya go lad, a few bottles of marinade for yer barbecue", a little free gift on the way out the shop, now dats service. It wasnt long before we were back at the castle and everybody was gettin drunk. We had forgotten the tin foil though so Rothy sped off top the local service station and grabbed 2 rolls, I thought "Well, if we dont use it all, we can always wrap Godspeed up in it later on". Rosey was preparing the feast with a band of helpers eager to sample the botty burning meat. Pit ran up to his room and came back down with a can of Fermented Death and he and Bucky sprang into life. "Fermented Death?" I hear you ask, yep the Swedes, amoungst thier other fine delicacies such as "cancer" have the mother of all honk food SUSTROMING! which is basically fermented herring that smells like a whores ass. They sent me a parcel containing this abhoaration of a foodstuff sometime ago and the tin burst on the plane, I took the package into my home not knowing that the smell would still be there to this day. So I was glad to see that this can had survived the flight without exploding. Buck n Pit held the can up with great pride and said "Everyone is going to eat this after the barbecue as a treat", f*ckin great lets all eat rat shit after our fine meal. The barbecue was on the table and a fine lookin feast it was: meat marinaded in a variety of fine sauces (one of which was WHO DARES BURNS) french bread, corn on the cob, kebabs, etc, etc. I went for what Rosey called the "Medium Burn" chicken and was a bit disstressed to find that one bite of it produced a large bead of sweat on my brow. The Tastebudd heavyweights went straight for the "AFTERBURNER" portions of chicken. Others nibbled conservatively while Pit n Foxman took Great White size chunks. It reminded me of the scene from the movie "The Great Outdoors" when John Candy eats the 76 ouncer steak and has to be carried out of the resteraunt. Both of them looked as if they had just stuck their faces straight into the core of the sun, screaming, sweat running down their faces, shouting in unison "WATERRRRRRRRRRRRR". Everyone else laughed whilst Foxy n Cockbozz ran around the room with steam spewing from their ears. I just thought of the big butcher laughing away to himself as we left the shop. The feast went down beautifully when the dreaded final course was anounced "EVERYONE, IT'S SUSTROMING TIME". We surrounded the breakfast bar as Foxy was given the task of opening the can of Fermented Death, cameras were all at the ready as he took the tin opener and punctured the beast. We hadnt realised that the can had become ultra pressureised durning the flight and as soon as Fox punctured the tin a deadly poisonous funk began to spew out and fill the room. Unluckily for Japie it went straight up his nose, he almost died instantly from shock. Of course, the rest of us began laughing but it was short lived as one by one people shreiked backwards in horror at this delicacy the Swedes had brought to our table. One sniff up the old nostrills was enough to send me flying towards the toilet, I opened the door but found Pitbazz in some poetic justice style monent emptying the contents of his stomach into the bowl. "OHH NOOOOOOO!" I blurted out as I made for the adjoining toilet thinkin the horror's on its way. Luckily enough I managed to compose myself and hold down the impending vomitt then ventured carefully back into the kitchen. I was greeted by a scene not too disimilar to the aftermath of a Nuclear Waste spill. People dry vomitting all over the place screamin "NOOOO WAYYYYYY!", Buck had got his shit back together and was enjoying filming the chaos, Rosey ran around spraying some sickly sweet air freshener by the truckload to try and counteract the funk. What we were left with was a smell like a flower that had just been shat on, and hey, we hadn't even sampled the stuff yet. Slowly the group reconviened, Maddie was still in the gamesroom refusing to enter the kitchen again, then the question was asked "Who's gonna be the first to try it?". This was met with an eery silence, then bold Mr Slater agreed to give it a go. The Swedes looked on with glee, finally they had a victim in their sights. Slater took a small portion of the toxic waste and placed it in his mouth, chewing slowly. We waited for the exorcist puke all over the kitchen but it didnt come, he just replied in typically cool Slater fashion "It's not that bad actually". Everyone was amazed and some lined up to have a bite, Pit went first and not 2 seconds later was back with his friend the porcelain god voilently vomitting. Next was the Fox who had one sliver and dissapeared upstairs to get it together. Buckie had a mouthfull in mid filming and almost dropped his camera. I went next, as long as you dont breathe in through your nose it is almost pallatable, ALMOST! Squadie decided to try his luck soon after and was the one of the best of the bunch, midway through eating it he seemed to wake up and realise what he had just put in his mouth, bending double and shaking up and down like some demented headbanger. Japie went next and looked deep in thought trying to digest the poison "Thats f*ckin awfull man" he said whilst searching for a drink. Rangi had his portion next and turned a brighter shade of pale saying "Thank god I'm from New Zeland if thats a delicacy in your country guys". Next up , Speedo (yes he was awake) , one bite and he was jumping around the kitchen like a cat with a firework in it's ass. I think Buck caught this moment on film. Moore refused to touch it, as did Maddie, and Rosey had expressed his wishes not to be involved but after a bit of persuasion by the troops managed to take a small bite passed to him whilst he was outside in the garden. It was like one continous movement from the moment it touched his lips which followed onto an instant vomitt into the nearest plantpot. And with that , the kitchen was cleared, fumigated and more beers were sparked taking us onto drunkfest no2. Who was the casualty of this night? In a word: Buckfast. Lets just say he had been hittin everything a bit heavily and had the instant headspin that comes from combining too many intoxicants. He had been crashed upstairs for an hour or so when the nightime drinking devlis conviened in the kitchen led this time by the Rosey n Rangi show. Like I said before these guys come tooled up and provided us all with stockings to put over our heads bankrobber style for operation Buckfast. I managed to put the stocking over my head (it reminded me of trying to do a similar action when drunk, lol) and looked around at the rest of the motley crue. My we were a sight to see, Rangi,Rose,Pit,Squad,Fox,Jap n Speedo were all in the criminal getup and made our way up the stairs with the rest of the team filming. When we reached the top we were all laughin that much it was a miracle Buck never heard us. I gave the countdown "3 2 1........ Go Go Go!!!!!" and the NinjaPimp onslaught burst into the room headin straight for our target. 3 jumped onto Buck with the rest surrounding his crib, he awoke with a fright and looked rather startled. We all errupted into fits of laughter but had the same thought "He doesnt look as scared as he should be". Leaving him to return to sleep we were to find out the next day that Buck was so cockfaced that when he awoke and saw us all he didnt even realise we all had bank robber stockings over our heads with a "what a crap gag guys" look on his face. Ahh well, we all found it highly amusing. Back downstairs the lunacy continued and Captain Cockbazz was mucho xtremo again, totally drunk this time and follwing Maddie about like a wee lapdawg, huggin her at every opportunity. I sat down next to Ed Norton, sry Squadie who was on the nightshift and we watched the unstoppable Pitboss machine chasing Madwoman around the room. I remember saying to Pit before we left " Look dude, Maddie's tha only female in the squad and we have a duty to look after her , especially with so many young testosterone filled fellas around her in one place". Little did I think I would have to be monitoring the moves of Pit in her direction. To be fair it was all good fun and Maddie took it well. ANother night done and I passed the 6 o'clock shift of Jap n Slatz on my way to bed.

Another morning, epp sry, afternoon of beign awoken by a fine food aroma pullin me downstairs to the kitchen. This time though it wasn't Mr Rose who was responsible, he was sitting in the lounge with everyone else bustin a gut laughin at the Pablo Francisco video on Pit's Xbox. I went into the kitchen to find Lord Rangi at the cooker concocting 3 large pots of his promised Kiwi Butternut Soup for the family. I thought if it tastes as good as it smells we're onto a winner, and sure enough when Rango poured me a bowl it didnt dissapoint. I think he had dropped a sprinkle of Maori Magic into each pot because this soup was amazing and certainly made a fine compliment to our resdient Chef Major Rose's culinary delights, Outstanding! On the agenda for today was a trip to the famous Loch Ness and already the word around the camp was that certain folks were goin in for a swim. OMG i thought, what next? "3men drown today in one Scotlands most dangerous lochs, rumour has it that Nessie couldnt resist their bodies as they were saturated with days of alcohol abuse and fine food". Following about an hour of hectic driving through the glens we arrived at the shores of Ness. It wasn't the warmest of days, in fact the wind was threatening to cut us all in half. Nevertheless we all went down to the waterside. One by one the brave lads who had decided to go in were quickly changing their minds, which left just Godspeed and Rosey stripping down to their boxers allready screaming at the cold highland gale that was rapidly lowering their body temperatures. The cameras started rolling and hand in hand they slowly made their way into Loch Ness. Seriously folks I was worried but couldnt help pissin myself, it was like father leading son into the abyss, what with Rosey being around 3 times the size of Speedo. Anyway, their journey continued, shreeeking with everystep they made it to knee high in the loch. A few more idiotic steps further and the cool waters of the north were exercising a vice like grip on their bollox, both let out a whimper as they were up to their waists in Nessie's fury. They looked around and said "F*ck it thats ittttttttttttt!", "NO NO, well all cried u gotta go under". We were expectin to be told where to go when all of a sudden our stars of the Loch Ness show dived straight under the water. No sooner had they went in, then they were on their way back out again, both Rosey and Speedy walking on water scrambling back to safety. Did I ever mention that you need to be insane to be in (BRBR)? This was living proof!

A quick dry off for our dudez and we sped back to Aviemore, only stopping once to pick up snacks at the service station and silver rizzlas so Jap could build us the Dutch Creation he had been discussing in the previous days. Well this was our 3rd night in Aviemore and we had gotten ourselves so drunk, high and stuffed on the other nights that we swore "It's Friday and we're goin out!" and sure enough at 20,00 the taxis pulled up outside and 12 of the finest lookin PimPs and PimPess jumped in headin for Aviemore town centre. That night Aviemore wasn't ready for the blitzkreig that was coming it's way, if they had known, they would all have left town. I spoke to the taxi driver on the way in and found out that Crofters the bar in the centre that we had planned to go to had been knocked down in a local regeneration plan and so I asked him to point us in the direction of another pub. He did, but when we got out and looked in their was nobody in it so we ventured across the road to a Hotel which looked well occupied. We comendeared a table or 3 and sat down and before long everybody had a drink of the local brew infront of them. This was where the Dutchies were found wanting and the rest of us were going at it hammer and tong. Japie was the only Dutchy that was drinking, Speedo and Moore were takin it easy, especially Speedy, I think he was a bit worried of what would happen to him if he drank again. Bucky seized the evening by it's bollox and was on top form, so much so that he was getting louder and louder until he was actually louder than the band that had been hired to play that evening. I was a little concerned when the barman looked at me and gave me the "Your friends not got much longer in this establishment". Fortunatley enough Buck settled down a little but was still crackin off gags every minute, winding people up, teeling them they were full of shit, or he was going to f*ck them, and then stopping the insuing rage by saying "It's allright man, I'm just kidding!". This was the hardest I heard Japie laugh all weekend, even he had been sucked into a heated debate with Buck when Buck wound him right up and topped it off with "It's ok man, I'm just kidding". Unfortunatley when he did errupt at Buckie's kidding gag he had a mouthfull of beer and sprayed it straight out onto the unlucky person sitting across from him, who turned out to be me. Jap explained "Roth, Roth, I'm so sry man..........Hey Roth", "Yes Jap?", "It's ok man, I was only kidding". The whole table errupted at this one and Buckie looked very pleased that his Kidding gag was gathering momentum. I moved over to our 2nd table where Foxo, Rangi and Pit were having what seemed to be a more mature discussion, I sat down and joined the chat. Foxy said to me "Roth, I got this trick for you to try and if you can do it you get a free beer", being a Scotsman I was allready saying "Ok I'm in". The Sly Fox just said follow my lead and do exactly what I do, I thought "Ok this is easy". He began by saying "cheeky cheeky" and he grabbed my cheek. I thought strange but there's a beer at the end of this so I did the same "cheeky cheeky". Fox then grabbed my chin and said "chinny chinny", I followed suit "chinny chinny" at which point a flashback from the movie Class came to my mind where andrew mcarthy gets made to look like a complete muppet by his mate's mother in a bar when she covers a coin in black ink and gets him to try to run it all over his face without taking it off once. So as soon as our sly Fox went for another one of his "cheeky cheeky" moves I grabbed his hand and sure enough his thumb was covered in fresh fag ash straight from the ashtray. Pit n Rangi looked on in amazement saying "How'd you know man", I replied "Never kid a kidder" (thank god I saw that movie). Anyway we got back into convo when Foxy beckoned over his next victim and a wisely chosen one at that "Buckie, come over here ya crazy bastard" he cried. I moved across to another seat whilst Buck sat in my seat. Unlucky for him everybody was watching now (I had allready cleaned up at this point), and Fox began the humiliation. "cheeky cheeky", "chinny chinny" over and over and over again, each time Bucko followed the lead. I felt a bit of a shit at this point when buck turned round to me with a face covered in so much ash that he looked like a Navy Seal and asked "what the f*ck is this game Roth? It is shit" I couldnt agree more Buck, but I didnt stop the game. Eventually the penny dropped and Buck wiped his face to find his hand turned black but to my suprise he didnt attack Foxman, no no, he went straight for me and started draggin me around the pub. I guess it was fair enough as I hadnt told him he was being stitched up by the others. That was enough hillarity for that pub and we went across the road to the place the taxi driver had recommended, he had told us they had pool tables upstairs and that was enough of a pull for the Pimps. Unfortunately the pool tables had closed 10 minutes beforehand so we were forced to drink gallons of booze instead, shame eh? heehee. We were sat at 2 tables but the group was moving around the pub anyway. What happened next was kindof a blur, I believe it was Squadolino who slammed a tequilla down infront of me and said "drink up dude", tequilla and me dont mix too well but i sank it all the same. Anyway, I spent the next 5 minutes fighting the helicopters whilst trying to hold down a conversation with Maddie, Squadling and Fox, when I came out of the haze I saw Buckie running around doing his Micheal Flatly impersination and trying to get a table of girls n guys to join him so he could teach them Riverdance, they declined and he went on groovin. Pit, Rangi n Rose were sinking halfs at the bar with Slater, Slatz was looking seriously worse for wear and not to long after dissapeared out of sight. Moore and Speedo had joined the fun at our table when Jap said "I'm going to talk to this woman with the yellow rubber gloves on", I was thinking "Yeah thats strong weed dude" when I looked over at the table he was headin for, 3 couples were sitting at it and sure enough one of the women had a pair of bright yellow marigolds on (only in Scotland). Jap arrived at the table, said "Hi, I'm Japie and I'm from Holland". Suprisingly instead of being told to F OFF he was invited to join their party and duely did. Their is a certain style to the crazy little Dutchman I have to admitt, within a few minutes he was jokin with them like he'd known them for years. Pit swaggered up to me and said "Rothybaby, you'd better come and see Slater, he is in a bad way and is asking for you". A clanbrother in danger! Time for Rothy to get his responsible hat on and see what's cookin? Only thing was that Pit had no idea where Slater had gone so I promised him I would find Slatz and come back to the party. Firstly I went to where all seasoned drinkers know the casualties of war can usually be found, the flunky (toilet). I was almost breakin the bowl with my torrent of racehorse style piss when I whispered "Hello Daveeeeeee" at which point I heard stirrings in the adjoining cubicle "Roffffff, is that youuuuuu". " Mr Slater, how are you?"... "not gooowwwd"was the reply. I jumped up on the pan for a better look and saw Slatz in a world of pain, he began to explain that the tequila had gotten the better of him but went very silent again and put his legs against the toilet walls and his hands. Now to some people this would look like he was losing his marbles but I sussed it, the helicopters were in full rotation and Mr Slater was holding onto anything he could find which was held down trying to stop the storm heading his way. He blurted out "Dont leave me here Rothman! Dont leave me here m8", I empathised with the poor guy and offered some words of comfort "it's ok dude, we'll be downstairs waitin for you when the helicopters have gone away", I think I heard Slatz sayin "Just dont leave me Roff" once again before he went back onto the corkscrew. Note to self: Slater is in the toilet, dont leave him behind. Back downstairs and Jap was still lookin like KingPimp with his new found comrades. I looked at the bouncer who was walking my way and I thought he's goona ask me to calm buckie down who was doing his Riverdance encore for the entire pub, but no he said "See your wee m8 over there sittin with the locals?" he was pointing at Jap "Aye" I replied..."Well you see that guy sittin next to him thats about 50 and built like a brick shithoose?". To be honest I had clocked this dude, I always suss out the top boys in a pub just incase anything kicks off, the guy had said hello though when we sat down at first. I said "Yeah I see him", the bouncer who was about twice the width of me and the same height replied "Well see him, if he kicks off I aint gonna stop him"... "What, why is that" I said.. "Well, he's ex SBS (Special Boat Service) and will clean out this entire boozer ,so I'm just lettin you know if he starts I cant help you" and off he walked. I looked over at Jap who was smiling as usual and walked over to join their party. Turns out the Special Forces maniac was a totally down to earth dude and I ended up chattin to him for half an hour, I even asked him if he had a PC and liked online gaming, to my suprise he said "Yes, but my machine is a piece of shit", I reminded Jap to get his e.mail address and we'd send him a mail about the clan when we got back. Result!
We got turffed outta the pub at closing time and I remembered to grab Slatz from the toilet who looked much better. Some people wanted to go back to the house and others wanted to party at the local Aviemore cattle market (Club) but I made an executive decision to keep the squad together and head back. At this point though Buckie, Rosey and Cockbazz were halfway up the street headin for the club so Fox and Rangi agreed to go and get them back. They both returned to say "its cool they're on they're way", on they're way they definatley were I heard a chant like wild apache indians coming down the street when the linebackers Rosey, Pit n Buck came flying along the pavement and head tackled Rangi and Foxman, a Big Mac (pileup) insued and others joined in. My mind quickly went to Cop Alert and just like magic there they were, the traffic cops driving along slowly in their big assed volvo looking straight at the (BRBR) pileup. The female driver was lookin straight at me with that "You're all going to jail" look on her face, I became the worlds greatest diplomat, shruggin my shoulders, waving my arms in apology saying "It's awrighty Missus Policewoman, Nothing to see here, move along" her face grew sterner, infact if it hadnt been for her partner who was pissin himself in the passenger seat I fear that we would all have spent a night in the cells. Off they drove and I went over to the idiots "You f*ckin bampots" I hollered "we almost got the jail for that", they're faces were pictures of pure inocence. After a highspeed taxi home we were back in safeland and Rangi grabbed the guitar and sparked up Buckys' wonderfull (BRBR) anthem "WE ARE BEEAARR AND BEEEAAAARRR" was the cry as the people started to head off to bed. I was left in the kitchen with Squadie (still awake,lol), Rangi and Bucky and was playing them the entire Jimmy Eat World CD over and over again, I dont usually force music on people but the world needs to know about the music of Jim Adkin. Bucky was herby'd up and lost it at some of the jaw droppin choruses and Squado hinted "I'm really starting to like that group", kindof unavoidable when Rothy is rammin them down yer throat, heehee. We went through and joined Maddie, Moore, Speedo, Slatz n Jap for some early mornin table football. At the end of such a monumentous evening at 6am Me,Slatz,Jap,Squad n Buck sat out the back and all of a sudden noticed that the sun was coming up, a smooth ending to a trully fabulous evening.

Sattaday, and our final full day in Aviemore House. Schedule for today: Moore's Chilli and The Champions League Table Football Tournament: It took me along time to get out of bed, infact I think I was the last up, even later than Speedo. I passed everyone in else in the lounge watching Pablo Francisco again when I heard they were putting Mr Deeds on again "Again" I thought Rothy must have been assfaced when it was on before. So I hurriedly grabbed some loose snacks the Chef Rose had conjured up ( time here to say a Huge thankyou to Matty J who slaved tirelessly in the kitchen to bring us all such great food during our stay, nice one bro) and plumped down on the couch for the big picture. Funnily enough Godspeed was sleeping on the couch so hey, I was up before him. Mr Deeds was a hoot with everyone who watched it killin themselves at John Tuturo with another fine cameo performance as Emillio the butler in this Adam Sandler classic "Sneaky Sneaky Sir". Afterwards everyone was kinda floatin about the house chillin out recovering from the prevoius nights crazyness. I decided to get my drinkin done early as there was a big drive ahead the next morning. Moore, Slater and Maddie went off to explore the woodlands out the back of the house, I asked them if they had seen the movie "The Blair Witch Project", they all said "Yes" but went in all the same. Moore shouted "i'll be back to cook the chilli about 3pm". Cool another day, another fine meal. We all sat around chillin ,talkin, having a laugh, infact I laughed so much this holiday that by the end of it I looked like Jack Nicholson as the Joker in Batman. And we waited for the return of the Blair Witch Project. 2pm, 3pm, 4pm passed and the stories began to fly "maybe they have been abducted by alienz?", "maybe a rivall clan has performed a hit on em?", "maybe they are lost in the woods and will never return?" or "maybe they are sitting just far enough in there that they can see us but we cant see them and laughin their asses off". Anyway it hit 5pm and the thoughts of us losing 3 of the team soon changed into "where's Moore and his damn chilli?". Thats when our reliable Chef hit the kitchen and began cookin some of the finest chilli I have ever tasted. 6.30pm and finally the Blair Witch Project returned saying "what a great day we have had, come see our pictures" Moore was even so carried away that he only realised his missed duties for the day when he saw Major Rose slaving over a hot stove again. And with some fine assistance from the other solid workers in the house Rosey had put another gourmet meal on our table. 3 chillis were on offer: Mild, Hot, and Dont try this stuff n drive! there was chips and rice to go along with it and in the end everyone was stuffed like turkeys once again. We all sang The Champions League Tune, sad I know but hey we're commited, and the teams were drawn. Before we could start though there was a huge delay whilst we waited for Mr Slater, everyone was runnin around the house shouting"Slater you fukka! where are you?", this went on and on until we finally gave up. Just at that moment mr cool calm and collected himself strolled into the room to a torrent fo abuse, his reply was typical Slater material, funny and quick witted "It's allright everyone, It's all under control". And with that the games were underway. I got Moore and was happy with that as he was a wicked shot, The Brothers Swede were together, Foxman and Squadie, Japie and Rosey, Rangi n Slatz and Godspeed and Maddie were the teams and battle commenced. The swedes were trying to overdose everyone on snus in a bid to win by drugging their opponents, at one point they ahd given Rosey so much snus that that he looked as if someone had thrown a pile of cowshit into his face.Pitboss got his comeuppance though when he picked up what he thought was his beer and it turned out to be one from the previous night that had old snus and a half smoked cigarette floatin inside, he went green. The tourny was high tempo and forgive me for not remembering all the details (it has been a fair time since we played it) maybe someone can post a short story on the games, the competiton was fierce though, much screaming and shouting with the Swedes as usual screaming the most when they lost a goal followed by Buck sayin "it's ok everyone, we're just kidding". LOL I dont even remember who won ( maybe Rosey N Japo? ) but all the same it was a fitting end to our final evening in the Highlands.

Sunday: awwww, all great things must come to an end, the crew worked tirelessly to get the house back in order and pack their gear for the trip down the road. Packing the cars was once again a nightmare but we managed all the same. Rangi and Rosey had the most taxing journey ahead of them fitstly travelling down to Prestwick Airport to drop tha Swedes off before headin down to London (I think they just arrived home today,lol)TNX guys, Foxy managed to cram Slatz,Squadie and Maddie into his sporty Cougar with all their luggage (it was 8th wonder of the world) and I was takin our crazy Dutchies back to Castle Rothenstein as they were leavin for Holland the following day. We all stood outside the House, everyone was a little down understandably, this was one most Crazyassed Increadible Gettogethers and exceeded any of my expectations. We all gave eachother a huge (BRBR) Hug and I said a few words of thanks to everyone for making the effort to come and reminding me of the reason why I put the effort into runnin this great bunch of people, SO to all of you! ROTHY SAYS THANKS A MILLION and this is just another one of the great chapters in the history of (BRBR) and Co. We drove away and I had one last look at the house that gave us so much joy on a holiday we'd never forget. I took the Dutchies for some bacon rolls in Aviemore and we sped off down the A9 back to my house. It was a beautifull day, once again within 5 minutes Godspeed was sleepin (he has too, because he puts in so much effort when it comes to games of any sort) and I was pointing out the fine Mountains and famous landmarks to Jap n Moore on the way home. We got back to my house and I watched the Rangers vs Motherwell cup final which thankfully we won, Moore was lyin on the couch and Speedo n Jap were tryin out my Badboy Gamin PC on the ConG. Now I realise why they are 2 of the best players in the community, the amount of effort, concentration and total focuss they put into their gameplay had me speechless, that was until Godspeed turned and knocked a full cup of Irn Bru all over my carpet, LOOOL, the devestation is never over. They even configured my PC for gaming and you may have noticed that ever since Rothy has become a force to be reckoned with in the ConG. We watched Hamburger Hill at night, Speedo played Cong, Moore finished off the herbal remedy and I chatted with me old m8 Jap until it was time to sleep. The next morning I drove the 3 amigos to the airport and bid them all farewell.

So there it is folks, I have been writing for 9 hours straight now and know that Pit, Buck and Slatz are waitin for me on TS to play World Of Warcraft that Pitboss sent me in the mail , it arrived this morning. What a great bunch of people!
Once again thankyou to you all for the fine memories in the highlands, they will stay with me forever in my time on this planet. And I have good news that there is allready talk of another get together in Sweden later this year, that is if my fingers will stand up to all this typing, heehee.

BE WELL MY FRIENDS, CYA IN THE CONG!

ROTHY OUT 5000G