FOR WHAT YOU'VE DREAMED OF

 THE SWEDEN STORY FINALLY RELEASED!!!!

SO HERE IT IS ALL U EAGER LITTLE MONKEY STROKERS!

The Article To End All Articles!

It was 20.10 and the light was begining to fade on Prestwick Airport, the engines began to roar spewing out fumes of aviation fuel into the night sky. And there was I, sitting in a space that a coffin dweller would have considered constrictive, hurtling down the runway at 150mph looking at the nerve wrecking way the wings vibrate on an aircraft as it gets ready to go airbourne and thinking " God, this is how the majority of people start off their holidays. Are we all insane??"

The pilot announced "Ok, ladies and gentlemen, flightime to Skavsta is around 2 hours, so we'll arrive there approximately half an hour ahead of schedule". I thought "Yeah El Capitany, just get us back onto tera firma ASAP and you can tell us whatever the hell you want about flight times".

"BOOM!!!!!!" we hit the tarmac hard and the air brakes flew on which quite humorously threw me forward in my seat like a ragdoll (I had been sleeping for the last part of the flight). Unbeknown to me I had been in more of a deep coma than your average in flight nap, and had been dribbling saliva the whole time. To add insult to injury the buckaroo motion of the landing had jolted my head backwards, throwing a healthy pile of drool over my face. Realising my awful predicament ( I looked like a fluffer from a porno movie ) I turned to look into my jacket pocket for a tissue and noticed straight across from me in the opposite aisle was this gorgeous looking girl, staring straight at me with that "What are you?" look on her face. I tried to smile but realised I was now Snotman and turned to wipe the offensive mess off my face. I did still consider chatting this girl up as she was a stunner, but couldn't come up with any better chatup lines other than " Hi, I'm Mr Porn Star, Cum Laden, Sleazebag, Moneyshot Face. Fancy A Shag?" so I decided to get my bags and split.

I stept off the aircraft into the dusky Swedish heat. "MMM nice, the world turned on the weather for Rothy's arrival". After a delay in the arrivals lounge cleaning up a gallon of shower gel that had decided to burst all over my rucksack I prepared myself for the (BRBR)Comrades reunited moment. The doors slid open and the strong Rothy glare scanned into the waiting area just incase rival clans had decided that this would be an opportune moment to carry out a hit. I could see nothing apart from a giant afro with legs, BA Baracuss jewlery and flashing teeth running at full speed in my general direction. I considered calling out to the airport security but they were standing laughing at the unfolding spectacle of the Flying Afro Hit Man. Thump! the Kiwi projectile hit me with both arms outstretched and smothered me constrictor stlye. As I considered my dying wishes a face peared out from afro pubedom and said "Welcome Mr Bossman!"............ "Hello Rangi" I replied "TNX for the welcome".

I pushed the afro folaige to the side still in Rangi's death grip and peered out into the surrounding highly amused crowds. I instantly recognised my good friend Buckfast who had laughed so hard he was turning purple (either that or he had drunk a sh**load of buckie), but didn't recognise the Cowboy Billy Ray Cyrus Lookin MOFO standing right beside him. The cowboy approached with a John Wayne swagger, slapped a wizard hat ontop of my head and said "Awrite big fella, Major Rose at your service". After another hearty embrace I approached Buckie who said "Goodevenin Scobs" and gave me a hug, it felt good to be back in the field with the finest bunch of idiots the world has ever witnessed. I did notice though, that Rosey and Rangi were a bit tipsy, infact Rosey was bordering on Cockfaced.

We jumped into Pit's Badboy A8, Buckie at the wheel. Rangi, Rosey and I sparked a beer and I popped a jumbo Snus (chewing tobacco) up under my lip and sat back to enjoy the high speed flying carpet ride back up to Stockholm. After much jovial chat and enjoying the sheer comedy value of messers Rang&Rose we pulled up outside Castle Cockboss.

Buckfast led the generation terrorists up the stairs to Pit's flat. Boom Boom, Buckie rattled the door. It swung open and a big smiling Pit appeared in the doorway, but as soon as he had appeared, he dissapeared jumping so high in fright that he hit his head off the ceiling and collapsed. Regaining his composure after seeing Bronco Billy, The Afro With Legs and Gandalf Stormcrow (we were still in costume) Pit bid us welcome into his pimp lair. "Nice Nice Nice" I said as I viewed the abode. Big Screen TV, Longe Lizard Mofo Couch, a balcony with a view of Stockholm, US special forces flags on the walls, and Tha BoZZ PC runnin Cong in the corner. We were in the right place!

Once the formalities were over we proceeded staright to the main course of Carlsberg Black (F**K knows, I think it's the ultra strong alcoholic Swede version) and good old (BRBR) pimptalk. Pit also cooked us up some Finish delicacy BoZZcat rations which consisted of: croissant style rolls filled with ham, cheese, egg, mincemeat, boston (f**k me thats tasty) gurrka pickle, and ketchup. I took one bite and almost put the engagement on Pit's finger for providing me with one of the most increadible beer snacks I've ever eaten, but I settled on pulling a bottle of Glenfiddich Malt whiskey and presenting it to him. Da BoZZ was suitably pleased. I gave Buckie his present and he started chasin me around the room tryin to shag me I think, a bottle of Lanarkshire's finest poison Buckfast Tonic wine was put in his hands and he opened it straight away and took one of his trademark monster swigs. They both got jumbo packs of wagon wheel biscuits aswell that they had gotten addicted to during their Scottish trip.
Nam Tunes, Beer, Good Chat, Good Food and Cong were the orders of the night. During which time I did happen to notice young Rosey's condition taking a turn for the worst as the night went on. So much so that his eyes had started doing slot machine circles in his skull. I decided it was time for a clan photo, set up my trusty 35 mm and tripod, arranged the platoon in a group around Pit's computer and after pressing the timer junped in amoungst the motley crue. The flash counted down, we all roared and threw the horns \w/ , then at the crucial moment the tripod buckled , the camera fell back onto the table and I got a nice picture of Pit's ceiling. Bollox, a great photo down the tubes. The dissapointment was all too much for Major Rose who after letting out an almighty " SH***********TTTTT" went to rest his hand on Pit's comp table. Remember though friends, just how drunk Rosey is. What he thought was Pit's table turned out to be the keyboard tray underneath and his full weight was rapidly being applied to it.
"BANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!" Down went Roso, I ended up in the hall, Rangi was catapulted onto the pimp couch face first, and Bucko n Cockboss lying in a crumpled heap under the rubble. When the debris settled we all looked at what used to be Pit's computer station and the remains of Major Rose. The funny thing was the first words outta Rosey's mouth. Not "I'm sorry about your table Pit", Roso simply got up, dusted himself off and said "F**k, that would have been one hell of a photo"
Then the Ferrari pitcrew rolled into action. Rangi and I strapped on the prancing pony overalls, grabbed our trusty multitools and within 9 seconds Pit had a new modified supercool computer table. Only problem was when we put it back in place it roared off out of the balcony and did the quarter mile in 12 secs.

From there on in Rosey's night went rapidly downhill, culminating in him hanging over Pits balcony. At this point I felt a little sorry for Da Rose and went over to console him and saw the strangest sight I've ever seen. Rosey's pale green face blowing chunks off Pit's balcony ("Not that unusual, a drunk guy being sick") I hear you say. People this was not your everyday run of the mill vomit firing outta his mouth, I swear to you all here that Rosey was pukin pure sawdust. I had to look twice at the spectacle unfolding "Pure Powder Puker", also this spew was not heading for the ground, it was going straight up into the heavens. Hi Ho, Tha Blessed Rosey Pukey O' LMAO.

After that Rosey's night was over, Pitboss was facedown on his couch snoring with a sound not too distant from an elephant fart. It was then that the late night drunken prankster squad kicked into action. Rango, Buck n I procured some cocktail sausages from the fridge which were destined for Rosey's traditional full english breakfast ,and began taking some late night incriminating fake cock pics at the expense of Pit n Roso. These pictures are for sale to the highest bidder BTW, applications by e.mail to (BRBR)Rangi war correspondant.

I awoke in the master bedroom with a head like a frozen pineapple, staggered through to the living room to find the carnage of the previous night. When the stiffs finally woke up we watched a few movies and then headed for the centre of Stockholm on an underground that looks like something out of a pink floyd video, or as Rangi put it " A womans fanny". At first whilst walking around the city I noticed that my tongue was dragging along the ground. The reason for this was the apparent Gucci catwalk models show that appeared to be going on everywhere we went. I S**t you not people, the women in Stockholm would give a dog a bone, it is fannytastic! I thought I was alone on the tongue thing, but looked around to see Buck, Rose n Rang lookin exactly the same way. Must get my residency visa sorted straight away. We made our way around the shops, I kept pulling the guys into all the traditional ethnic gift shops asking them to join in the experience of "life's rich tapestry". Their reply was "F**k dat Roth lets get a beer". So we went to a chinese resteraunt ordered some beers and chowed down on some deep fried dog. Rangi then told us an appetite crippling story about eating battered chicken feet in Spain which really assisted my digestion. A snus followed to settle my stomach and on we walked. Some dude accosted us in the street and asked "You wanna try something?" . I hit full speed ahead to a book stand and pretended to be interested in a copy of "SheepShitShovellors Monthly", while Buck and the comedy duo were forcefed some deepfried reindeer, glad I sidestepped that one. Anyway onto another pub situated in a big square in the city centre, hurrah, bottles of my favourite lager Staroprammen and we sat back to watch the continuous catwalk parade. Rangi jumped up over the barrier and ran off like some oversealous special forces operative saying " I'm off to buy a memory card for my camera!" and dissapeared outta sight.

Pit pulled up in his supaquick A8 luxury pimpmobile and said "C'mon guys, it's time to go back to my place for Tha Cancer Party". Yes you are reading correctly "A Cancer Party". Buck n Pit had told us previously on TS that they have parties regularly where everyone eats lots of cancer. Now I aint one to knock back a countries traditions, but my straight answer to this one was "Blow it clean out yer ass!!", "There wont be any of your funky cancer s**t crossing these lips tonight". (And these guys were bitchin about tryin haggis, jezuz)

After about an hour's prep the filth feast was laid down in front of us. Well folks, these Swedes are a real nutty bunch, it turns out that Cancers are actually mini lobsters and there was around 50 of the delicious lookin little bastards on the plate with a block of creamy Swedish cheese ridin shotgun. Needless to say, after half an hour of shell crackin fun we were all stuffed, faces covered in lobster fragments, ready to explode. Another fine gourmet evening. Then Buckie cracked open his F**kfast and the madness started all over again.

Back in the city again at the bar we had been at previously that day, the talent had improved again (if thats possible). Infact I'd go as far to say that Stockholm has more beaver per square metre than anywhere else on this planet. The 5 of us and Pit n Buck's male model friend Jens had been strolling around town, Pit shouting "Bitchling", "Ahh, Bitchling", "mm Bitchling" at any girl with how shall i say? with impressive milk storage tanks. The tables in the bar were all taken so we took the seats that were left and lined them up at the side of the outdoor bar area looking like a bunch of convicts staring at every Swedish starlet that got up to go to the bar, it was a grand view.

And then it happened! She stood up! Forget ABBA, forget what you have heard, this bombshell was beyond Aphrodite. The angel began walkin round in our direction heaing for the bar. all eyez were trained on Miss Bootyliciouss. As she passed Pit was ready to explode and I saw him extend his leg out infront of her (probably to cover up somethin else that was extending) and over she went. Instead of falling face down in the concrete, she twirled in mid air and somehow levitated, her excuisite frame falling delightfully into Big Rothy's extreme body of stealth and passion. The angel wrapped her arms around me and said something like "Skavastolesa evksgotta" (Man I wish I could speak Swede). I replied "I am from Scotland my dear", she said "Oh, I'm so so sorry for what just happened" but instead of saying "So who cut off your wings and your halo?" I replied " It's ok, anytime", and then she was gone. All the troops were lookin at me with that "You lucky bas" face on. I turned to Rangi who was laughin himself sensless, he shook my hand and said " Thanks man, that was perfect, it's gotta be the greatest example of good fortune I've ever seen". I laughed along, infact we both continued laughing to chuckle until Rosey alerted us to the fact that she was coming back again, all eyes were back on target as she walked round again, this time with her friend. The troops were all shoutin "Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!", and I couldn't believe my luck as she sat straight back down on my lap, gave me a hug and said to her friend "This is the lovegod who's lap I fell into" (I think thats what she said, it was in Swedish). I think by this point I was waiting to wake up chewing my pillow, but she was still there, I was hypnotized, unable to respond, I just smilled, she gave me a little peck on the cheek and left. I looked round at Rangi again and we spent the next hour laughing about what had just occured.
Next it was onto a club, we had to be careful on our selection as it was gaypride weekend and we didnt wanna be down with any of that YMCA s**t. We found a hetro friendly one though and mofostrolled in to the sound of "Fifty Cent - In Da Club". We took our place on the steps overlookin the dancefloor and cranked up the (BRBR)SmoothCrimminal Slyck Pimp Moves, the place soon went off big time. I requested "Nelly - Hot In Here" so I could get my Smith&Wesson smooth as f**k hand moves on the go for seeking out multiple female targets, and the rest is history. Buckenhiemer was conducting the riverdance ensemble whilst proping up Major Rose who was wankered again,lol. Rangi and I noticed that Pitboss was M.I.A and raised the alarm with Buck n Jens. So we left the club, and after 3 McDonalds each and Rosey tryin his fly moves to pull the girl behind the counter we found a taxi which resembled something outta The Flintstones driven by a groovy African fellow. I got in the front, and durning my conversation with the driver about the ins and outs of the African political regime I glanced into the back after hearing cries from behind. I was confronted with a human soup, Buckie was contorted backside/front, Rosey was farting uncontrollably, Rangi was explaining that he had never been more comfortable in his life and Jens was basically smothered in (BRBR). On our haste to get back to Pits we left the taxi too early and had a bigger walk than we expected. So it was time for some late night neighbourhood terrorising operations, which Rangi took a bit to far, we noticed he had been gone for sometime and after 10 mins of looking for him we gave up. At that moment he appeared right next to me sneaky style and said "I think I'm takin this whole Vietcong thing a bit to seriously". Turns out he'd been arse up in a hedge the whole time, hiding.

At last Pit's door was reached, I rang the doorbell waiting for the charismatic Swede to swing it open............. no answer. I rang again while turning to the others with a look of concern........... no answer. A discussion insued , Buck said "He's in there keep ringin", what had started off as some tactical late night doorbell ringin turned into a five man onslaught on on Pit's door, being arsefaced drunk we had no idea how noisy we were actually being trying to wake leviathan. About 10mins of door abuse had passed when Buck lost the plot and shouted through the letterbox "Pitboss! Open the F**king door". Footsteps, then the locks turned and the door opened to reveal something that looked as if it had been dragged through a hedge backwards. Pit looked at us in mid sleep and shuffled back to his slumber on the couch returning to his fart sounding sleepstate. There was no "sorry I bailed on you guys" no "I have disgraced the whole batallion and I am at your mercy", just a fart snoring shagsack in a coma on a couch. We grabbed a beer and hit the ConG, relieved to have avoided sleeping rough.

I should really have looked at it from Pit's point of view, the poor guy had been working the day before and had about an hours sleep in him. He must have felt like a fart in a trance.

The following morning Majorio Rosario treated us to a full english breakfast, and yes the phallic symbol cocktail sausages from the other nights capers were included. We spent the rest of the day tryin to digest the mamoth feast while watching movies and having a "The Worlds Most God Awful Fart" competition, which of course, I won. The other competitors were providing stiff, or should I say stinking? competition. They should have known better though to mess with BigDowntownEggCakeMastaBlasta!

We popped a few beers into the tank to keep the alcohol levels in our body from going below critical and headed out to meet Buck and his girl for an evening at Stockholm's Mofo Themepark. After a walk that seemed to go on forever, and did for poor Rosey who was burstin for a piss most of the way, we arrived and met up with Buck and Michelle. A massive buffet was the first order of the day (not a good idea when your about to go on a rollercoaster), and then we headed onto the first ride. I had packed a big snus into my gob and was a bit concerned about the contents of my stomach, looking at the ferocity of the rollercoaster we were about to go on.

A long arduous climb to the top and then WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA we were thrown into the corkscrew oblivion. The rest of the crew were all going "YEHAAAAAAAAAAA" and "WOOOOHOOOOOO". I must have sounded like a stuck pig going round as I tried desperately to control the hurricane going on in my guts. I managed to hold back Vesuvius and when the ride was over I made my way to the nearest bench to enjoy my nicotine head spin exploding stomach rush.

Roso,Buck, Micha and Pit came up to me like schoolkids saying "C'mon Roth, lets go on the magic carpet" "C'mon it will be great" "C'mon C'mon". I think my pale green face, no f**kin way, serial killer look let them know that they'd be enjoying the fruits of the Magic Carpet ride without me. Anyway I was havin my own personal magic carpet experience sitting on that bench.

After some frolics in the funhouse we headed for the Big Bas' Freefall Tilt, which is basically a 280ft tower with 4 chairs strapped onto it. We queued for 1 1/2 hours during which time Buckie kept dissapearing for refreshments screaming "I can't camp man". The queue went down prety quick though and before we knew it the spectacle of what we were about to do was upon us. We got strapped in and the climb began. We passed the tops of the other rides in the theme park, I thought "Cool, lets drop from this height", we passed the tall buildings in Stockholm, "OK thats high enough", it kept climbing though until we were in heaven staring straight into the eyes of the almighty and then the wheels stopped. After a short pause the chairs tilted forward and we were looking at a 280ft drop to impending death. I looked across at Pit and Rose and said "well, it's been a pleasure knowing you guys" We were held in that position for what seemed like an eternity, then a click and......... "F*****************CKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK", what a rush man, it's the best ride I've ever been on, think my balls are still floatin at 280ft in Stockholm, so the next time your passing, grab them for me cause I miss them. Rango, Buck n Micha went next and it was hillarious watching they're faces as they ascended into chaos. We wanted to go on again but there was no time so we went on the dogems instead. I was driving around stealthily seeking out Pitboss when "BANG!" I got T-boned by Sweden's crazyest driver, Pit was laughing away at his sneaky maneuvere to get on my blindside. This happened again and again, so I gave up on the Kill Pitboss challenge and directed my energies into a full frontal assault on Rang n Rose who were having a nose to nose burnout competition with their dogems. But everytime I got near them "BOOM" i got thumped broadside by Micheal "Pitboss" Schumacher. Buck n Michelle went on next and we were watching them play happyhoneyfunlovey hideygoseeky dogem games when Buck peeled out of formation and steered his dogem straight towards the barrier we were standing at. 20 ft and closing, his eyes staring straight at us, 15ft and closing, not even a flinch as he was locked on target, 10ft and closing, I was getting a bit concerned at his blatant disregard for his own safety, 5ft and his eyes rolled over black (Great White style), 2ft and "THUMP" his dogem slammed into the barrier infront of us throwing our luny friend Buckfast straight outta his seat and then whiplashing back like a crash test dummy. We were on the deck pissin ourselves, got back up only to see Sweden's own Evil Kinevil do the same thing again. Yep, he's a straight up Fruitbat is our Bucky.

We had planned to have another mental night on the town before Rosey and Rangi flew home but settled for a few relaxing beers in a nearby pub. Rangi finally decided it was time to try a snus and Rosey followed suit. They enjoyed the initial rush but ended up lookin like a couple of Scat movie starts because they moved the snus around to much in their mouths and it disintegrated. After the pub, Buck n Micha said goodbye to our loveable gimp twins, and the rest fo us went back to Pit's so they could get packed before leaving for the airport. After a few more beers it was time to say goodbye. I gave the terrible twosome a Big Rothy hug of joy, and couldn't help feelin sorry for them both, no sleep, then a taxi to Stockholm, then a crucifying bus trip to Skavsta and finally a big wait for their flight back. Man, they is some tuff mutha f**kas. I'd also like to say what a fine pair of guys they are, friendly, sincere, funny, and can handle their liquor (apart from Rosey's fatefull floatin puke episode). All goes together to make up two of the most likeable guys in (BRBR).
So Big Uppa Tha (BRBR)GimP PimpS!

After the goodbyes Pit and I sat down to more beer and snus and he said to me "So tell me about your life Rothy".
5 hours later I couldn't believe that Pit was still awake listening intentley to my epic saga. What a smooth mofo Captain Cockboss is people. He then told me his great story about his crazy life, not quite as long winded as mine , but equally as epic.

The next day Buck came back round and we had another increadible feast smoked salmon, spinach, avocado, tomato and corn. I wouldn't have eaten better evn if I'd been staying in the Hilton all week, then we chilled and reminisced about the previous evenings events. That night we hit the city again, Rothy was hungry for the ladies. After several pints of Guiness in an Irish bar we went to one of Stockholm's hippest clubs. The only problem was there was nobody in it, so I said to Buck n Pit "Take me to Stockholm's cattlemarket". They laughed and dutifully obliged, 20 mins layer we were knee deep in the sleazyest club in Sweden. A club which reminded me very much of the one from the movie "Trainspotting". Yes Yes we were in the right place for some late night vamp moves. After Rothy's warm up Sonny Anderson Pistol Celebration Moves there was multiple targets in site, some of which were moving into the Rothy kill zone. I was distracted though by 2 lovelly latinas sambaing in the middle of the floor, and I had decided to protect them from all the ghouls and goblins that were tryin to leach onto them, much to Pit's amusement. I kept gettin grabbed though by what I can only describe as a frisky old haggered "Day Of The Dead" zombie woman, and she wouldn't take no for an answer, draggin me back to her pit of death at the back of the dancefloor. I finally broke free and resumed my position as latina securtiy man, observing their hypnotising 360 degree hip rotating moves. I got a bit too much into character though and missed the opportunity to get down and dirrty with either of them. Still the latinas were goblin free and that was the main thing. We left the club and headed back to Cassa Cockbossa and drank ourselves to sleep.

Poor old Pitboss, Buck n I had surfaced around 2pm aqnd Pit had been workin for 6 hours, Cheers Pitybossy for keepin goin even with the lack of shuteye. At night we chilled and Buck n Pit introduced me to a comedian named Pablo Francisco, man this guy was funny (do yourself a favour and download his show). I was gonna hit the hay at that point but Buck put some competition poker game on the TV and the 3 of us were glued to it. A seriously smooth mofo gamblin pro named Devil Fish was cleanin up, and had so many chips on the table that you couldn't see his face anymore. Thrilling TV I assure ya.

Another day of work for Pit, so Buck, Micha and I went into the city so I could get presents for the family. After walkin round the shops for 5 hours I still couldn't make my damn mind up on what to get them, so everybody got keyrings. I put alot of thought into that one.

Wednesday night was to be our last night out before I left so we headed for Club Zombie again but stopped this time in the upstairs lounge for some refreshments and to take in the local power ballad pub band fronted by a Swedish stunner. She reminded me of a visualy improved version of the WWF star Lita. We were being treated to some of ABBA's finest moments, and while my Swedish brothers cringed I was soaking up the wonders of life's rich tappestry. The singer was smilin in my direction and Pit grabbed my arm and said "She likes u man" "She's chekin you out". I did consider rushing the stage, grabbin Lita, jumpin outta the window pirate style and dissapearing with my wench into the night, but after checkin the doorman who was built wider than an abrams tank I decided against the pirate show.

The show finished and we went downstairs into the dungeons once more. We were straight onto the dancefloor this time, Buckie was treating the locals to his "This Is How To Riverdance" routine, Pit was doin one of those "I'm only dancin because it is an extensive impression of my supercoolness", and yes Big Rothy was once again throwin the pistols of joy in the air pullin in multiple targets from all over the club. I had linked up with a prospective girly for the evening, she favoured oldskool stlye dancin. Dunring our moves I held her hand above her head and started trunin her round. After about 3 revolutions her eyes started to resemble the wheels on a slot machine turning and her knees began to give way. She left my side and went over to hold onto the wall to try and stop the room from spinin, lol. Then came back, things were goin great until her brother decide to throw a pint all over the Dj who was a tosser anyway. So her bro got thrown out and she followed. Oh well back to the drawing board. It wasnt long though before another target was in the pimp scope. Tall, Fit, Slender and Drunk, Perfect! Once again my sniper spotter Pit came up and said "She's into you man", and off I went. Once we got past the "I dont speak Swedish bit the closeup lambada style dancin began. Iilya and I were having a fine time explorin eachother but then the club closed, so we took our inspection out into the streets. We decided to see how it would feel if we put our faces together, it felt great so we continued. I felt a tug on my sweater and Pit was there passing me the keys to his flat and saying "See ya tomorrow m8", I thought "Great idea, I have no idea where u live dude". Nobody had a pen so we had a bit of a dilema. Iilya told me that there was no way she was goin back to a flat with 3 guys which I could understand, we are an ominous lookin bunch. So she said " You can come back to mine", finally the kinda plan I was lookin for. I asked "Where do u live?"...... "Vilkernick Skavtoastskeenery" she said and I thought great tomorrow mornin I'll be stranded in Stockholm's suburbs. The next thing I remember was Special Agent Buckfast appearing outta nowhere with a pen in his hand saying "I've been covering u the whole time boss, take the girls number and u can call her again", smooth operator our Buckie is. I had no paper so Iilya wrote her number on my belly, we slapped faces together again and I bid her goodnight. Back to Pits and we sat and talked, Pit was asleep pretty quick and I had a long chat with Buckie about his life, which was another treasured moment. I've only known these guys for a short time but it's kinda like they've been friends of mine for a very long time. Cool Eh!

I dont remember much about Thursday because I dont think I saw daylight at all, it was merely a process of sweating a week of alcohol, snus, pubs, clubs, women, and great times outta me.

My last day in Sweden, Pit was at work again so Buck took me down to the river in Stockholm, wher they have a kinda beach area. It was ultra hot, and there was a mass of unbelievable lookin women walkin around with next to nothin on " What a wonderful place Sweden is". We walked around soakin lookin at the peaches and discussed the finer things in life, then drove around Stockie in Bucko's Eclipse super sleek ride listening to Counting Crows. At this point folks I was findin it hard to think about leavin. We went back to wait for Pit and Buck took me round to this local Pizzeria and treated me to dinner. Man, I had a large hawian pizza that was so good I almost leaned over the table and ate Buckies aswell. We did have a pesky wasp dive bombin us though throughout the entire meal (Billy Conolly was right Wasps are bastards). We met Pit and I packed my ruckie for the trip back to Scotland. Pit was drivin me to the airport so I had a grand farewell with my good friend Buckfast and thanked him for a great time, jumped into the Audi, givin Buckie the (BRBR)salute as we drove off "See u soon Broski".

Pit took me to the local supermarket and bought me more snus, cheese and boston gurkka pickle then you could shake a stick at and we blasted down the highway headin for Skavsta. Halfway along the motorway Pit pulled over and said "Your turn to drive bro". Heehee I was like a kid with a new toy, after gettin over the whole sitting on the wrong side and drivin on the wrong side of the road I decided to open the Badboy up a bit. VROOOOOOOMMMMMM V8 POWA, Pit laughin beside me sayin " U gotta get her above 200ks Rothy" I oblidged and fired the machine up to 220 before realising that I was in lose your licence territory and slowing off the gas a bit. We pulled into Skavsta Airport and I thanked Pit for his tremendous hospitality and told him "The next gathering will be even crazyer my friend" and headed off for my flight home.

The flight went by quick and I must admit for a few seconds when I arrived at Prestwick when I heard the announcer saying "Flight for Stockholm Skavsta now boading gate 2" I was so close top jumpin right on it. My Sis was waitin outside for me so I got my shit together and headed back to Castle Rothenstien.

Well my friends, there you have it, the (BRBR)Sweden extranaganza finally published for the masses. I hope you've enjoyed readin it, as it took me about 2months to complete and about 6 hours to type. I'd like to thank my Swedish brothers who gave me one of the best holidays of my life and our comedy brothers from down south who put in a sterling performance on their first (BRBR)gathering. I look forward to the next one and hope that I will still have a keyboard left to write an article about it, as after writing this one I'm left with a desk and some keys scattered over it. Enjoy Folks!!!

(BRBR)ROTH Signing Off!